


chikayou 1

by totaldile



Series: miki's love live prompts and ficlets [13]
Category: Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: F/F, Ouch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-02
Updated: 2016-10-02
Packaged: 2018-08-19 02:38:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8186107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/totaldile/pseuds/totaldile
Summary: Anonymous:i cant see the drabble post thing but could u possibly do a chikayou drabble, maybe some jealousy with riko, its just being a chikayou fan has been suffering lately





	

You’ve been here before – that awful, sinking feeling in your chest when you realise maybe you’re not as important to her as she is to you. It happened before, with Kanan – you realised she and Chika had a deeper bond than you and Chika would ever have, because they’d been friends for longer. You might’ve been joined at the hip (you think, you hope), since elementary school, but that’s nothing compared to friends who’ve known each other their entire lives.

You dealt with it slowly but surely, years and years of realising that Chika loves you, it’s okay, you’re important. Years and years of slow, slow build-up to what was meant to be your confession, your chance to finally be honest.

Years of preparation unravelled swiftly by a transfer student from Tokyo. You were meant to confess on her birthday – the day the two of you had met (though you doubt she remembers that. Dates always meant more to you). It was meant to be just the two of you, all day. You’d have it planned out in your head for months.

You just didn’t expect Riko to tag along, is all. You didn’t expect Riko to have the same idea in mind.

You didn’t expect Riko to get there first.

Chika calls you that night, asks you about what you should do. It’s all you can do to smile and say she should follow her heart.

The sinking feeling festers in your chest. You want to tell her to reject Riko. You know that if you told her, she might. She trusts you, with all her heart.

You kind of wish she didn’t. What a burden. Maybe then you could feel a little less guilty about how selfish you want to be – to tear apart the bond that you’ve watched form since Riko arrived in Uranohoshi, to tell her how you feel and fight for the girl you love, and –

Isn’t that just a joke? Just some fairy-tale? It’s disgusting, the way you feel, but – you hate it. You hate the way they look at each other, you hate the way they just understand each other so intuitively, you hate the way they inspire each other and collaborate in the ways that you always, always wanted but were never able to.

You make the resolve to keep it to yourself – bottle it up, and just let her be happy because that’s what you both want, right? That’s the most important thing to you.

The first moment you two are alone together, that resolve crumbles.

“Chika-chan,” you say, and swallow because your voice is thick and, “Do you ever get jealous?”

You’d go to anyone else for advice – to Mari, to Kanan, to Dia, to – but, no you –

“Mm,” she says, and she’s honest like always, regards with that same look you’ve known for years, the softening of her eyes and mouth line that makes you know she’s telling the truth. “Sometimes.”

“What do you do to –“ you pause, a hitch of the breath, swallow a shudder, “ – to stop it. To stop feeling like that?”

Chika looks at you curiously, tries to read something in your expression but – ha, you’re not Riko, she couldn’t possibly know you like that and –

“I try to think about why I’m jealous, I guess – I mean,” and it’s her that swallows this time, blinks at you nervously before going on, “I used to be jealous of Kanan-chan and you. You both have such – you’re both so good at things. I was just…boring Chika. It took me a long time to make up my mind about what to do, but – now that we’re idols, I might be able to shine like you do, maybe.”

She laughs, pats your shoulder, puts her hands behind her head.

“Or maybe I’m not there yet, but – I’m getting there. I think.”

“I think I’m in love with you,” you say, and well – you didn’t expect to say anything at all and here it all comes, spilling out, but for some reason you don’t mind as much as you thought you would but you still take in a breath anyway, hold it as Chika freezes.

Then her expression softens.

“Riko-chan told me that too, you know,” she says, turning to you, taking your hands in hers, runs her thumb over your knuckles. Your stomach twists unexpectedly.

“I know,” you say. You know. “I know you love her too. I’m sorry.”

The apology is somehow honest and dishonest at the same time.

“Mmhmm. I do love Riko-chan,” she says, threading her fingers through yours in some elaborate way, “but I also love You-chan. Just – the way I love Riko-chan is slightly different. That’s all.”

That’s all – you knew it. You knew it from the start, and yet.

It takes all your strength not to bolt from the spot – your hands shake, quiver in Chika’s grasp but she’s so, so gentle and you wish you could just fall into except you can’t, you –

“I know,” you say, and hate the way your voice breaks, cuts out on the final word.

“Riko-chan is my inspiration – she’s the one who I can turn to when I don’t know where to turn next in order to keep fighting for my dream. We inspire each other,” she says. “I love Riko-chan like that. She’s my muse.” You catch the giggle at the play on words, and try not to be sick. Your stomach twists further at your resistance.

“The way I love You-chan is different, though. You’ve always been by my side, ever since we met,” you close your eyes, because you can’t look at her, you can’t. “I want you to stay with me until we grow old, together. I want to support you forever, like you’ve always supported me. You’re my best friend,” and you can hear how her breath hitches in her throat, she gasps for air a little, and then – “So how could you think that I –“

You open your eyes.

“– wouldn’t love you back?”


End file.
